What I See
by writestories315
Summary: Mac receives a note from the past to build the future…maybe


Title - What I See

Classification - S R (Harm and Mac)

Spoilers - A little bit of everything - I'm not good with titles.

Disclaimer - I own nothing. Nor do I admit to owning anything. If I really owned anything do you think it would take me 15 years to pay back my students loans.

Summery - Mac receives a note from the past to build the future…maybe

Author's Notes - Macs father never died so she and her mom haven't seen each other. all songs are borrowed from their artist, Broken Wing by Martian McBride, Cold Day In July by the Dixie Chicks, and Angel In My Eyes by John Michael Montgomery.

**written in 2003**

* * *

**JAG**

**Mac's Office**

Mac sat in her office and was staring at the package that had arrived earlier this morning. It had no return address and no postage. The marine who delivered it to her said that it was delivered by Package Delivery at 8:25. She had already called Package Delivery and they had no records of whom sent the package. She was debating whether or not to open the package or just sent it down to Webb and have his people look at it.

"Mac, are you going to stare at that all day or open it?" Harm said from her doorway, then he proceeded to sit down in a chair in front of her desk.

"I haven't decided yet." Mac said to him.

"Mac, it's a package." Harm said as he picked it up and shook it, "Nothing is rattling and there is no ticking." He set the package back down. "I don't think you have anything to worry about. Besides you're office all ready looks like a bomb went off in it."

"You're not funny." Mac said.

"Just open the package."

"Why are you so concerned about this package?"

"Hey, I'm not the one who was staring at it all morning."

"Not all morning. I was in court for a few hours, beating your six I might add." Mac said with a smile.

"So you finally won one on me. It comes around every now and then." Harm said, "Now open this thing would you."

"Fine to make you shut up." Mac said.

She reached into her desk drawer and pulled out a pair of scissors and cut the tape holding the package together. Then she slowly lifted up the lid. As soon as the lid was free from the box Harm grabbed the bottom of the package. "Well it didn't explode." Harm said.

"Give me that." Mac said as she snatched the package away from him. She then sat in the chair across from Harm. "OK lets see what we have here." Mac then started to pull out some tissue paper, then she pulled out a very old once loved teddy bear from her childhood. As she pulled out the bear a note fell to the ground.

Harm picked up the note and handed it to her. Mac looked at the note and read it aloud, "Dear Sarah, please listen to WCTY 103.7 at 9:15 tonight I want to tell you something. Deanna MacKenzie."

"You're Mom?" harm asked.

"Yeah." Mac said as she looked at the teddy bear.

"When was the last time you saw her?"

"The day she left."

"So what's up with the bear?" Harm asked watching Mac place it back into the box.

"Just a toy I had as a kid. Nothing important." Mac said as she placed the package on the floor.

"Nothing. Mac it must be important if your mother mailed it to you after 15 years." Harm said looking Mac in the eyes, "Now tell me the story about the bear."

"There's no story it's just a toy that I would play with, until I couldn't find it when mom left."

"OK, you don't want to talk then I just have one question for you."

"And what would that question be?" Mac asked.

"Are you going to listen to the radio tonight?" Harm asked.

Mac looked at him for a few seconds and considered her answer, she took a deep breath and said, "I don't know."

**Mac's Apartment**

**9:00**

"OK what are you scared of Marine. That she might say something that you need her to say or that she might say something that you don't want her to say. You know if you just turn on the radio then you're half way there. OK that's a plan turn on the radio." Mac said to herself as she turned on the radio. "You have completely lost it Sarah you talking to yourself."

**9:10**

Mac is sitting on the couch. "This has been the longest ten minutes in my life." She said to Jingo who was sitting on the floor. Then there was a knock at the door. She went and opened the door.

"Hi." Harm said to her.

"Hi." She said to him as he walked into the room.

"I figured that you might want someone to talk to till 9:15." Harm said as he walked over to her radio and noticed the radio station it was on.

"You were worried about me." Mac informed him.

"Maybe a little." Harm admitted as he sat down on the couch.

Mac sat down next to him, "I'm a little worried about me too." She admitted. Then they sat quietly till 9:14.

Harm looked at his watch, "Almost time."

"Yeah." Mac said.

Then the radio stopped playing a song and the DJ came on, "Hello everyone out there listening to WCTY 103.7 City Country Music. This is your Talk Lines host Michelle Baker. You know every now and then I get a request that has to be played at a certain time. I usually don't like these, but tonight I have an exception. This comes from a woman named Deanna and it is for her daughter Sarah. The message reads, 'Dear Sarah, I'm sure today you received Mr. Bear in the mail. He was your childhood teddy bear, the one you took everywhere. You loved him more then anything in your whole life. The day I left you and your father I saw Mr. Bear sitting on your bed and I took him, because I needed a part of you to go with me. Every time I looked a him a lot of memories came back to me. Most of them involving you and a few dealing with your father. It would take me back to a time when life was good and I was happy. Joe was a good man and he was a great father when he wasn't hitting us. He loved you. I'm not asking for you to forgive me, I'm asking for you to see me. Sarah, I would understand if you don't want to see me. It's been 25 years since I've seen your smile with my own eyes. If you hear this message and you want to meet me please go to the Lincoln Memorial tomorrow at 6:15. I'll be there even if you don't come. I love you Sarah. Your Mom.'" Michelle took a deep breath, "Well it sounds like to me that Sarah has a big decision to make. I'm sure what ever she decides will be the right decision. The song Deanna requested was Broken Wing by Martian McBride."

Mac and Harm just sat there and listened to the radio play.

_She loved him like he was_  
_The last man on Earth_  
_Gave him everything she ever had_  
_He'd break her spirit down_  
_Then come loving' up on her_  
_Give a little, then take it back_

_She'd tell him about her dreams_  
_He'd just shoot 'em down_  
_Lord he loved to make her cry_  
_You're crazy for believing'_  
_You'll ever leave the ground_  
_He said, Only angels know how to fly_

_And with a broken wing_  
_She still sings_  
_She keeps an eye on the sky_  
_With a broken wing_  
_She carries her dreams_  
_Man you ought to see her fly_

_One Sunday morning_  
_She didn't go to church_  
_He wondered why she didn't leave_  
_He went up to the bedroom_  
_Found a note by the window_  
_With the curtains blowing' in the breeze_

_And with a broken wing_  
_She still sings_  
_She keeps an eye on the sky_  
_With a broken wing_  
_She carries her dreams_  
_Man you ought to see her fly_

_With a broken wing_  
_She carries her dreams_  
_Man you ought to see her fly_

As the song ended Harm looked at Mac, She was motionless on the couch just staring at the wall. He moved to get a better look at her, but the radio caught his attention. "Well that one was for Sarah. I know I've told my listeners that I think I'm clairvoyant. But I honestly believe that. My reason being, I think that request I just played is related to my next request."

Michelle said, she then took a deep breath and said, "This note read, 'Dear Deanna. I'll never know if you hear this and I'll never know if you care. But I had to say this. The day you left me and Sarah was the hardest day of my life. I thought my whole world had stopped. I know why you left and I understand. You left because I'm a drunk and an abusive one at that. I never meant to hurt you and Sarah. When Sarah was 17 she left me. I don't blame her she was becoming an adult and I couldn't control her anymore. I haven't seen her since the day she left. But I do know what she is doing. She's a lawyer and a damn good one at that. I saw her on TV a few weeks ago. She looks like your mother. She's made it in life. Without us. I know I didn't do the best job as a father or as a husband but I was there. Deanna, I hope you hear this. I'm not trying to hurt you with my words, I just want to tell you how you hurt me. I loved you, but I think after 25 years I can forgive you. I hope this song reaches you and you remember what you told me on our wedding day. Joe.' Michelle took a breath, "I think these are the same people in the others request. Just based on the facts. Well for Deanna I'll send out Joe's request it's by the Dixie Chicks A Cold Day In July." Then the song played.

_The moon is full, my arms are empty_  
_All night long I've pleaded and cried_  
_You always said the day that you would leave me_  
_Would be a cold day in July_

_Your bags are packed, not a word is spoken_  
_I guess we said everything with good-bye_  
_Times move so slow and promises get broken_  
_On this cold day in July_

_Sun's coming' up, coming' up down on Main street_  
_Children shout as they're running out to play_  
_Head in my hands here I am_  
_Standing' in my bare feet_  
_Watching' you drive away_  
_Watching' you drive away_

_You said that we were gonna last forever_  
_You said our love would never die_  
_It looks like spring and_  
_It feels like sunny weather_  
_But it's a cold day in July_

_Oh sun's coming' up, coming' up_  
_Down on Main street_  
_Children shout as they're running out to play_  
_Whoa head in my hands_  
_Here I am standing' in my bare feet_  
_Watching' you drive away_  
_Watching' you drive away_

_The moon is full and my arms are empty_  
_All night long how I've pleaded and cried_  
_You always said the day that you would leave me_  
_Would be a cold day in July_

_Here comes that cold day in July_  
_Oh_  
_Yeah_  
_Oh yeah_  
_La da da la da da la da da_  
_Oh Ooo_

As it stopped Mac stood up and turned off the radio. Then she walked over the window and stared out of it. Harm just looked at her. "My mom wouldn't tell my dad that she loved him. She would just say, 'Joe, you know I'll be here unless there is a cold day in July.' Then they would kiss, even after he would hit her. I never understood that, I still don't."

Harm stood up and walked over to her. He stood behind her and placed one arm around her shoulders and one around her waist. Mac leaned her back into him and rested her head on his chest. "After my mom left I wished and prayed that she would come back. I even did it once I joined the Marines. I would think that if she could me and see how strong I was she would come back. Then she could be my mother again. I finally stopped doing that a few years ago."

Harm gave her a slight squeeze. "I left my dad. I did the same thing that she did. Even though he hurt me I knew that he loved me. I didn't know if my mom loved me. She was just gone, no note, no nothing." Mac fell silent for a minute, "And now she wants to meet."

"What are you going to do?" Harm asked.

"I don't know." Mac softly said. "What would you do?"

Harm took a deep breath, "I can't answer that. I don't even want to pretend to know what I would do."

"At least your honest." Mac said with a smile on her face.

"Hey, I'm here if you need me." Harm said in her ear.

"Thanks." Mac softly said. They didn't move and he just held her for awhile.

**JAG**

**5:50pm**

Mac is sitting in her office typing on her computer when Harm walks in. "Hey."

"Hey." Mac says back to him.

"it's getting late." Harm said to her.

Mac then turned to him, "I still don't know what I'm going to do. I think I'll drive over and if I decide to go I will."

Harm looked at her, "You want me to come with you?"

"No, I need to do this on my own." Mac said to him.

"OK." Harm said to her as she got up from her desk. "You know where I'll be if you need me."

"Thanks Harm." Mac said to him.

**Harm's Apartment**

**9:45PM**

Harm is sitting on his couch listening to the rain fall as he is reading a book that he mother gave him for Christmas. He really isn't thinking about the book, he's worried about Mac. Suddenly there is a knock at his door.

He stands up and opens the door to find Mac standing there soaking wet from the rain. She is still wearing her uniform and her coat is just as wet as she is. "Mac, get in here." He says pulling her hands into the apartment. "You're freezing." He says to her. "Get your coat off, I'll get you a towel." He then goes into the bathroom and gets her a towel. He walks back up to her and finds her still wearing her coat and a puddle forming at her feet. "Mac." He softly says to her.

She doesn't do anything. "Sarah, are you OK?" He ask her and she still doesn't move. "Come on let's get you out of these clothes." Harm then pulls her into his bedroom. He puts sweat pants, sweat shirt, boxers, some socks, and a T-shirt on his bed. Then he looks at her, "Either you'll change by yourself or I'll do it. I've got almost everything you need to get dry. If you want to take a shower go ahead. But I'll be back in here in five minutes and change you if I have to."

Harm then steps out of the room and leaves her alone. Two minutes later he hears the shower turn on. He exhales deeply then he walks over to the window that overlooks the parking lot and he doesn't see her car. He starts making a pot of tea and gets a can soup out of the cabinet and starts fixing her some soup.

Ten minutes later Harm watches as Mac walks out of his bedroom. She looks very small in his oversized sweats and he notices for the first time how small and fragile she is. HE walks over to her, "Come on. You need some soup and tea."

Mac is looking at the floor as she sits down at the bar in the kitchen. Harm pours the tea and hands her a spoon for the soup. "Eat up, it will get you warm." He instructs her and watches as she eats the soup.

Mac has finished the soup then she looks up at him for the first time since she has gotten out of the shower, "Thanks." She softly says to him.

"Well, I don't know if I should thank you. I was looking forward to undressing you." He says getting a small smile out of her, "What happened?"

Mac takes a deep breath. "I left JAG and drove down to the Lincoln Memorial. I still had time and I didn't know what to do, so I went down to the Wall and talked to your Dad." Mac then looked in his eyes, "He's a good listener." Then she looked back down at the empty soup bowl, "I decided to go and see what she had to say. I crossed the street and waited for her." Mac then paused. "She never came."

"What did you do next?" Harm asked grabbing her hand softly.

"I waited for an hour, then I left. I started walking."

"You've been walking since 7:15?" Harm asked.

"Yeah." Mac said softly. "I was thinking also."

"About what?" Harm asked trying not to get upset with her walking in the streets of DC late at night in the rain.

"Well, this was her idea. She wanted to meet me. I was doing fine without her. I thought about everything she missed in my life. She missed my first kiss, my first date. She didn't even have the birds and the bees talk with me. I got out of high school with out her. I even left my father without her. I joined the Marines, went to college, got my law degree, and I've done fine with our her. I don't need her." Mac said raising her voice slightly. "I've done fine there is nothing that she can give me now that I can't get myself."

Harm then watched as she stood up and started to pace. "I decided that when I get married and have my kids. I'm going to be there for everything. They are going to know that I love and that I'll be there no matter what. I'm not going to leave in the middle of the night and come back fifteen years later!" Mac then took a deep breath as Harm stood in front of her, "I don't need her!"

Mac then looked at Harm's face as the tears fell from her eyes, "Why doesn't she want me?"

Harm then pulled her into his arms as she cried. He held her as tightly as he could. He felt her arms snake around him and hold onto him for dear life. She cried there and he held her. As her sobs became manageable Harm lifted his head and looked at her. Her head was still buried in his chest and he just rubbed her back, "Let's go to the couch."

He said then they silently walked over to the couch. They sat down and Harm still had Mac in his arms. "Some Marine I am." Mac said wiping her eyes with the sleeve from Harm's sweatshirt.

"You're not a Marine right now." He said to her.

"I know, they would boot me out if they saw me wearing 'Go Navy' sweats." She said with a slight smile.

Harm just laughed, "They look good on you." He said kissing her forehead, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"You know why I went to talk to your Dad?" She asked sitting up on the couch.

"I was wondering that." He said to her.

"Because I knew that he was a father. He loved his son no matter what. You may have grew up with out a dad, but you knew that he would never hurt you." Mac said, "I hoped that he could have sorted this out for me. As I stood there, the idea came to me that maybe for once my mother was trying to show me that she loved me." Then Mac paused, "Guess I was wrong on that one."

"I don't think you were wrong, I think she was wrong." Harm said. "She set this up and you did what any child would have done. If I heard a message like that from my Dad, I would have been there in a heartbeat."

"You know your Dad loved you. Mine hit me." Mac said to him.

"I know." Harm softly said.

"Do you how jealous I've been of you because of your family? You have a family that loves you and cares about you. I grew up with an abusive father and a mother who ran out one me. The only people who told me they loved me was my Grandmother and Uncle Matt. She's dead and he's all I have left." Mac said sitting against the couch.

"He's not all you have left." Harm said to her.

"Harm look at me. You've said it yourself any man that I've been involved with is dead or wishes his was. No wonder my mother didn't want to see me." Mac said as she tried to stand up, but Harm pulled her on to the couch and cupped her head in his hands.

"You want to know what I see when I look at you. I see Lt. Colonel Sarah MacKenzie a kick-ass no-nonsense Marine. The Chief of Staff at JAG who keeps that place running. A lawyer who makes me and everyone else try to be better. I see the person who got Bud and Harriet together when they couldn't. The person who taught Bud how to dance. Who ordered Harriet to marry Bud and helped deliver their child. The Godmother to the cutest kid in the world. A big sister to Chloe. Someone who saved a dog from death, because she knew what she had to do. My best friend in the whole world. Who has saved me from myself more times then I know. When I look at you I see the person I can't live my life without. I see my angel. But under all of theses wonderful things I know and love about you. I see the little girl who didn't have a childhood. The little girl who makes you the woman you are. The person right here in front of me that I love and care about. The person I want to be with." Harm then paused and used his thumb to brush away a tear from Mac's eye. "I see you and all you are to everyone. Best friend to me, friend to Harriet and Bud, Godmother to AJ, sister to Chloe, and Lt. Colonel in the Marine Corps. I see you and your wonderful." He paused again, "And I'm sorry that your mother will never see what I see."

Harm then released his hands from Mac's face and placed them on his lap. Mac then took his hands into hers. "You see all that?" She said crying softly.

Harm looked in her eyes, "I do. But you know what else I see?"

"What?" Mac said sniffling.

"I see someone who has probably caught a cold from walking the streets of DC in the rain." He said with a smile.

Mac smiled at him, "I was wondering when you were going to yell at me about that."

Harm took a deep breath, "I'm not going to yell at you. I just worry about you."

"I kind of got that impression with everything you just said." Mac said to him. "Did you mean it?"

"All of it." He said looking into her eyes.

"Including the part about loving me?" Mac said looking at their hands.

Harm than took one of his hands and lifted her chin so she could look in his eyes, "Especially that part. I do love you."

Mac then leaned over and gently kissed him on the lips. Then she pulled away, "I'm very emotional right now."

Harm smiled, "I know. I don't want you doing anything you don't want to."

"Good, how would you feel about having that talk?" Mac asked.

Harm raised his eyebrows, "I would love to have that talk. But one question."

"What?" Mac asked.

"How do you feel about me?" Harm asked.

Mac then kissed him again, this time passionately. As she pulled back she whisper into his ear, "I love you, too."

**Three Months later**

**Harm's Apartment**

Harm and Mac are sitting on the couch working on a case listing to the radio. The DJ's voice comes on, "Hello everyone out there listening to WCTY 103.7 City Country Music. This is your Talk Lines host Michelle Baker. I've got a letter here I'm going to share with you. 'Dear Michelle, three months ago I was listening to your show with a friend of mine we heard a request to her from her mother. Her mother wanted to meet her after fifteen years the next day. Well my friend went to go meet her mother and her mother wasn't there. Later that night my friend came over to my apartment and we talked about everything that happened and a few other things. Well, the reason why I'm sending this out is because in these past 3 months we've gotten to be very close and Sarah knows I lover her very much. I just wanted to tell her mother that she doesn't know what she's missing. And Sarah I love you. Yours forever, Harm.'" Michelle stopped reading the letter and took a breath, "Harm has requested Angel In My Eyes by John Michael Montgomery. Good luck you two." Michelle said as the song filled Harm's apartment.

_I watch her lying in bed asleep_

_And thank my lucky stars_

_For every second she'd here with me I wanna hold her in my arms._

_She is my day she is my night_

_She is the breathe that gives me life_

_But sometimes we laugh and sometimes we cry_

_Sometimes we fight and we don't know why_

_But no matter what she believes in me_

_She's the closest thing to heaven I'll ever see_

_She'll always be an angel in my eyes_

_Sometimes I feel her by my side_

_Like she's watching over me_

_I get a chill running down my spine_

_That's all the proof I need_

_But she fills my heart she fills my soul_

_She's the half that makes me whole_

_Well sometimes we laugh and sometimes we cry_

_Sometimes we fight and we don't know why_

_But no matter what she believes in me_

_She's the closest thing to heaven I'll ever see_

_She'll always be an angel in my eyes_

_She'll always be_

_She'll always be_

_She'll always be_

_An angel in my eyes_

As the song played Harm looked at Mac. She was wiping a tear from her eye. "There's one more thing." Harm said to her.

"What?" Mac softly said looking at the man she loved.

Harm then went into his bedroom and came back. Instead of sitting down next to her and got down on one knee, "You know you're my angel and I love you very much. Will you now be mine forever. Will you marry me?" Harm asked holding out an engagement ring.

Mac just looked into his eyes, "Yes." She said to him.

Harm just smiled and put the ring on her finger. Then he leaned over and kissed her personally. Harm then joined her on the couch kissing her repeatedly. Mac then ever so slightly pulled away from his lips, "What about the case?"

"Lt. Colonel MacKenzie and Commander Rabb will deal with that later. Right now, I'm with the future Sarah Rabb and enjoying it very much. So the case can wait." Harm said kissing her neck.

"What about the Admiral?" Mac asked him.

Harm then stopped kissing her and looked in her eyes, "We'll tell him tomorrow. Now will you shut up and kiss me."

"Yes, Mr. Rabb." Mac said right before she kissed him.

**The End**


End file.
